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[goodknightdaddy]

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[goodknightdaddy]

[Keirean washes up, dries off, dumps the water, and then gathers his and Kamukura's dusty dirty clothes, washing them and hanging them by the fire.

He wraps himself in a towel and after some debate, just crawls into the bed next to Kamukura, too worn out to worry much about sharing a bed mostly naked. He falls into exhausted sleep immediately.]

[ehnnui]

[they both REALLY NEED SLEEP, and this is the first time they've gotten to sleep in a bed in a while. so it is several hours of actual restfulness before the various ways in which Kamukura has been conditioned can really even fight past the sheer exhaustion. but once it can, he's snuggling in close to Keirean lewdly, his erection pressing against his hip.]

[goodknightdaddy]

[Restful sleep in relative safety. Keirean is so extremely tired that doesn't even wake him up right away, just makes him shift a bit to wrap an arm around the warm body next to him.]

[ehnnui]

[Kamukura is still 90% out cold, but he knows how to react to being embraced like this, noses closer and presses kisses to the hollow of Keirean's throat, rolling his hips slowly.]

[goodknightdaddy]

[Keirean's dead tired, but not dead. His body certainly remembers how to respond to this sort of attention, even if it's been a long time. He's growing hard, pulling Kamukura unconciously closer. He's not even a little awake, but the touches and motions stimulate his dreams.]

[ehnnui]

[Kamukura's hands start roaming, gentle, feeling him out, smoothing down his chest and belly to his growing erection, palming it as he starts sucking marks against his skin. He's a bit more awake now, but not enough to think about where he is, who this is. He's only warming someone's bed again.]

[goodknightdaddy]

Mm....

[Keirean's soft moan is low, his hips rock towards Kamukura's touch.]

[ehnnui]

[he hums an answering sound, low and husky, taking him more properly into hand, rocking his hips with the motion of Kierean's own.]

[goodknightdaddy]

[He's dreaming of his wife of course. Something he hasn't dreamed in... oh years. His hand slides up along Kamukura's back, cupping the back of his neck. Subconsciously he knows the shape is wrong, the smell isn't right, but exhausted as he is, the pleasurable warmth melting through him, the dream he desperately doesn't want to wake from, all combine to keep him from waking just yet, tucking his face in Kamukura's hair, kissing the top of his head.]

...Mia....

[ehnnui]

[none of those factors alone would snap him awake, but Keirean's voice saying a name and the kiss to the top of his head do it in combination and he

freezes the fuck up

shit.]

[goodknightdaddy]

[Inconveniently Keirean doesn't wake at the same time so Kamukura gets to deal with his hair being nuzzled sleepily while Keirean pulls him closer, hips rocking against him as his hands caress his back, breath tickling his ear.]

[ehnnui]

[he's had a policy of taking what he can get when it comes to Keirean up until now but this is really

too far, isn't it? it's too far. he doesn't feel good about this.

he carefully starts to pull away.]

[goodknightdaddy]

[Rip.

Kamukura is strong but so is Keirean. And Kamukura pulling away elicits an almost pained noise, and Keirean's arms tightening. Keirean even rolls over blindly grasping Kamukura's arms and pulling him in against him, trapping him, very deliberately, even if he's asleep, pinning him against himself. Voice soft and desperate.]

Don't leave me.

[Of course he's talking to Jeremia in his dreams, a futile plea.]

[ehnnui]

[Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. It's not like he isn't used to this sort of situation, but it's different when it's Keirean. He's not getting any less hard in spite of his feelings, either, his erection rubbing against Keirean's belly even as he goes still again, breath catching in his throat.]

My lord...

[goodknightdaddy]

[The tension and the fact that the body against his continues to definitely lack feminine curves and also the note in Kamukura's voice finally wake Keirean from the bittersweet dream.

It takes him a second or two to realize the situation and position they're in, who he's in that position with, and with a sharp inhale he lets go, horrified at himself and sitting up.]

...!

[ehnnui]

[this is probably a terrible time for Kamukura to at all resemble the boy he tried to save all those years ago. but he's making expressions now, which sharpens the vague similarities, and he's rolling onto his side to face the wall, curling into a ball.]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean--

[goodknightdaddy]

[There is a strange sense of familiarity nagging at Keirean but it's overwhelmed by his own inner horror right now.

How the hell is he supposed to... what was he DOING. His voice is low and a little rough but trying hard to be soothing.]

Kamukura. I do not know how to begin apologizing, but I assure you this won't happen again. You are safe. Do not be scared.

[He's sliding off the bed, pulling his lost towel around his waist again.]

I'll take the floor.

[ehnnui]

No, it's-- I did it. It was my fault. I don't feel unsafe with you, so please...

[goodknightdaddy]

...What?

[ehnnui]

I touched you. I started it. So it's-- not your fault.

[he wants to keep going, make excuses like he wasn't really aware of himself either, but isn't that disgusting? isn't that giving away things that will change the way Keirean tolerates him?

...not that admitting this much isn't going to do that already. but he couldn't stand it, Keirean's guilt.]

[goodknightdaddy]

.....?

[That hardly makes sense either though. He sits on the edge of the bed, looking at Kamukura.]

Why?

[Why matters a lot right now.]

[ehnnui]

...

[it's fucking over.]

I did not realize it was you.

[goodknightdaddy]

[...Maybe he misunderstood when Kamukura said he was interested in him before? Or maybe like Keirean Kamukura was remembering a lover. Though he seems somewhat young for it he's not too young for that to be possible.]

...Did you think I was a former lover perhaps?

[ehnnui]

I...

[he doesn't want to lie? it's accurate in a technical sense. even transactional sex partners are often called lovers. but it feels wrong, to tell this man he loves something like that.]

...It wouldn't have mattered who it was, except that it was you.

[goodknightdaddy]

....

What?

[There's only a faint frown line between his brows on his otherwise emotionless face but the fingers curling white knuckled in the sheets tell a bit more than his expression or voice give away.]